Archive for May 2008

ESL Quick Exercises 1

26 May 2008

(Intermediate Level)

1. Aural Comprehension of Media News

Rewrite this crude pseudo-phonetic approximation of American Spoken English in Global English.

The Madder of the Two Criddicks

When innerviewed, the first indepennant Sennader staded that both puhliddickal pardies on this side of the Adlannick were just full of redderick about Yerp. There hadn’t been a treedy for fordy years. The truth was, he continued, that a noo administration would have to make a frunnal assault on the madder and spend a lodda money to fix it.

‘My Gad! Whadda ya tackin about?’ exclaimed the second gennelm’n.

‘It’s are doody. If we doan make a move, you’ll be hearin the sound of bams goin off sooner or lader.’

‘So, waddle we do about those guys? Can we really afford to leddum achieve a tonnamy in the comin twenny months?

‘Sher can! It’s a real passibiliddy, whadever the Vaddican sezz.’

2.

Careful critical Observation of Politicians, Journalists, Spokespersons and Advertisers may help you to Expand your Vocabulary and Idioms

(Or: Don’t believe everything you hear or read in the Media.)

Spot and correct the faulty lexical choices, incorrect associations, misspellings, malapropisms and mixed metaphors below. (Each line is a separate example. Total: 35)

From the onset, I should like to say the following.

He is an avaricious reader of books.

This opinion perpetrates the old myths.

When asked to vote for us, they were eagerly quiescent.

When I entered the august building, I was issued into the main room.

Rather than senile, he seems to be in control of his facilities.

One of the accused purged themselves.

He is under the allusion that they are innocent.

‘I’ll give you a tingle.’ [on the phone / mobile]

The car was slowed up by an altercation it had with a van in Wagga Wagga.

Skeleton – Medical. Fully articulate. As new condition.

“Australian Himalaysian Expeditions”

He honed in on his target.

“… to a Semantic people, the Jews, this meant that …”

“On a tangenital question, could you tell us why …?

His aim was to circumvent the Globe.

The remains of war heroes were interned here.

The helicopter carrying the Press corpse …

As the corsage left the Cemetery … [from a State Funeral commentary]

It is with fear and intrepidation that I begin this task.

I have never been particularly enarmoured of that idea.

This is his fifedom.

The death nail in the coffin of the State. [a State Premier]

It’s the cut of a thousand deaths. [another State Premier]

This is the crown in the jewel. [the same one, perhaps]

He is a thorn in the eye of some people.

This growing quagmire on our shoulder. [Iraq]

Other words and phrases that are not quite right:

a heart-rendering tribute

a well-tendered garden

We are moving into unchartered waters.

We shall have to administrate this.

The plan will have to be properly intergrated.

[also sometimes found: the adjective “intergral”]

In this much sort after area, this property is a bargain. [Real Estate ad]

senile dementure

strickly confidential

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Insights into Spoken English

23 May 2008

From A Textbook for ESL Students and Translators

The following brief Sample is from two longer downloadable SAMPLE documents (See http://briansteel.net/writings/spokenenglishsample, or …/samplechapter4insights.htm)

From Chapter 1: Ritual Spoken Units
[The beginning of the Chapter Introduction:]
The exercises in this chapter illustrate some of the most characteristic features of spoken language: ritual, or stereotyped, units (of varying lengths, but most often short) with specific dialogue purposes or functions. For the native speaker of English, these are units of speech which initiate dialogue or action, or offer a subjective response to the spoken or extra-linguistic context. Students of English as a Second Language (ESL) will already be aware of many of these ritual sentences (e.g. courtesy formulae for greeting, requesting and thanking, etc.) but others may be less familiar with them.

……………………………

From Exercise 1.4: Affirmative Responses and Reinforcements

These highly varied and, in colloquial usage, colourful ritual responses indicate agreement, confirmation or acceptance in the dialogue situation. Some affirmative units carry or may be given special emphasis. (For affirmative response patterns, see Exercise 2.2.)

Basic types of responses:
Yes. More informal: Yeah, Yep, Yup, Uh-huh. Aye (esp. in Scotland and Northern England)
OK
Of course

(Other typically positive reactions: Wonderful! Great! Terrific!, etc.)

[50 examples from English language novels and plays are given.]

From Exercise 1.6: Responses which Indicate Indifference, Lack of Importance, Resignation, Uncertainty or Lack of Knowledge

Basic: It doesn’t matter. / I don’t care. / Who cares? / What does it matter? / How do I know?

……………………………
… [13 examples]

More aggressive:
14. ‘I haven’t eaten all day.’
‘Too bad.’
15. ‘I don’t believe you,’ Cathy said.
‘Tough,’ said Mort. (PC, 67) [The literary sources are given in abbreviated form, explained by the end Bibliography.]
16. People always think something’s all true. I don’t give a damn except that I get bored sometimes when people tell me to act my age. (JDS, 1958: l3)
17. ‘Anyway, this is one thing that can’t be blamed on Russia.’
‘It means the end of NATO.’
‘Good riddance.’ (EW, 1957: 97)
18. ‘Fifteen pounds a week? … Oh well, all right, But I shall have to pay three pounds out of my own pocket.’
‘A fat lot I care.’ (WSM, Theatre, 34)
19. ‘He believes that? He believes the Mafia would want to kill the President?’
‘What the hell, that’s their business, isn’t it?’ (RC, 1974: 120)
20. ‘They waste your time, these ridiculous celebrity hunters, and they sap your vitality.’
‘Let them!’ I’ve got lots of time and lots of vitality.’ (NC, 374)
…… [ + 11 more examples]

………………

Chapter 2: Expressive Sentence Patterns

[Excerpt from the Introduction]
Given the range of functions covered and the peculiar syntactical or semantic characteristics, the patterns have been grouped partly according to their form and partly according to their content, in the following Exercises:
– patterns for requests, queries, suggestions and commands (Exercise 1)
– affirmative and negative response patterns (Exercises 2-3)
– exclamatory sentence patterns (Exercises 4-5)
– irony (Exercise 6)

Chapter 3: Spoken Signals and Sentence Additives

From Exercise 3.1: Dialogue Stimulants and Other Directions to the Listener

[This is one of the most detailed exercises in the e-book]

…………………..

c) other informal or colloquial tags like eh?, OK?; huh?; right?; all right?; understand?; do you hear?; and the rarer what? [esp BrE]
23. ‘We’ll talk when I get back, then. Eh?’ (CF, 451)
24. Getting tired of waiting, eh?
25. ‘Just don’t tell me you’re in love, OK?’ (TP, 211)
26. ‘Yes. I’m afraid I must go.’
‘What happened? … The shock’s worn off, huh?’ (DB, 1992: 139)
27. ‘So you think it’s beneath my dignity, huh?’ the Boss asked. (RPW, 39)
28. ‘Well, I’ll tell her I can’t see her, and send her away: do you hear?’ (GBS, 91)
29. ‘And something happened to your brakes, too. Right?’ (RRO, 141)
30. You know what it is, but under no circumstances are you to repeat the contents of this message to anyone … understand? (EKG, 135)
31. ‘Good morning,’ I said. So you’ve got back, what?’
‘I have got back.’ (PGW, 57) [esp BrE]
32. ‘Nice of her to take the trouble, what?’ (KA, 1992: 290)
[plus 7 more examples]

[Later in the same Exercise:]
g) Miscellaneous
[5 examples, followed by:]
……………………..
as it is / as it was = in fact; already; in the present circumstances (with possible overtones of brusqueness or finality)
56. ‘My dear fellow, we’ve quite enough on our hands as it is. We can’t go to war with the whole world.’ (EW, 1952: 12)
57. ‘Don’t you think we ought to get on with things? It’s late enough as it is, and Mr Myburd may have a luncheon engagement.’ (PW, 1973: 259)
it just so happens
58. ‘Well, Whittaker, what can I say? It just so happens that I see myself as your average John Q. Citizen.’ (GV, 1997: 306)
The provocative or aggressive: if you must know
59. ‘Where were you last night?’
‘I worked late, if you must know, and then went to bed.’ (DDM, 153)
[plus 9 more examples]

Chapter 4: Variation in the Verb System

From Exercise 4.6: to get (got, gotten)

……………………….

b) Even more frequent is the colloquial use of invariable got or have got to as variants for to have and to have to.

6. ‘We got some good news and some bad.’ (LLP, 49
7. ‘What’s she got to do with anything?’ (RRO, 269)
8. ‘How long have you got?’
‘Not long, actually.’ (LLP, 135)
9. ‘Is that all you’ve got to say – yes? (JC, 142)
10. ‘I haven’t got any more money. (JC, 202)
11. ‘You got yourself another girlfriend?’
‘No.’ (JC, 40)
12. I got to go now.
13. ‘I gotta go.’ (DJW, 2)
14. ‘Don’t you remember?’
‘I guess I do. Josh. There’s something you got to know.’ (MR, 434)
15. ‘That’s not a bad idea.’
‘You’ve got to be joking.’ (JH, 165)
16. ‘You got to believe that.’
‘All right.’ (RPW, 400)

………………..

For longer samples of this e-book, see http://briansteel.net/writings/spokenenglishsample or …/samplechapter4insights.htm

Sathya Sai Baba: Questionable Stories and Claims. Part 2

22 May 2008

In Part 1 a number of Sathya Sai Baba’s spontaneous Discourse stories were examined. The common thread in them was seen to be inaccurate, misleading or confusing information and blatantly incorrect facts on a variety of subjects including his biography, religion and science, and named individuals. Devotees’ lack of curiosity about the discrepancies as well as the Sathya Sai Organisation’s indulgence of many of his capricious assertions were also mentioned.

Given the existence of so many samples of SSB’s penchant for capricious storytelling (especially about himself) and his carefree capacity for factual inconsistency, confusion and error, there are strong grounds for a critical review of his Avataric and Divine claims, which are taken so literally by devotees). My hypothesis is that these extraordinary claims, although dealing mainly with non-factual matters and beliefs, and therefore not verifiable, may nevertheless have a significant relationship with SSB’s previously described stories, which appear to be the products of his erroneous beliefs or his unfettered imagination. The following claim-story from 1963 is offered as a prime example:

“There was an occasion when Krishna laid His flute aside and declared that

He would not play on it again. It is a long story, not found in books; I alone must tell you about it, for it is only the Person who has experienced it that can describe it.” (Sathya Sai Speaks, III, 19:113)

When the Divine claim-stories contained in the 35 volumes of Sathya Sai Speaks (Revised Indian Edition) are examined in detail, a similar strong thread of self-promotion and self-indulgence, as well as a predilection for boasting become apparent. For example, many of SSB’s statements about Shirdi Sai Baba, Jesus and Siva indicate the self-promotion process at work: the result is invariably an enhancement or reinforcement of his own forthright Divine claims by such intimate (and subjective) association with these three revered spiritual icons.

“Sai Baba”

There are several unique features which set SSB apart from all other gurus (living and dead). One of these is his first very special Claim (Declaration) made as a schoolboy in Uravakonda in May 1943: “I am Sai Baba” (i.e. the reincarnation of the revered Muslim-Hindu saint, Sai Baba of Shirdi, also known as Shirdi Sai Baba (or simply Sai Baba), who died in 1918). This extraordinary claim (often repeated in his early Discourses) was to characterise SSB’s early Mission. In the 1940s and 1950s, the characteristics which appear to have attracted most new devotees to SSB (especially a handful of wealthy local devotees, aristocrats and Royalty) were his identification with Shirdi Sai, stories of healings and exorcisms, as well as the much-publicised materialisations.

Not only is this Sai Baba claim crucial to the credibility of his claims of Divinity and Avatarhood on a level with Rama and Krishna but it is also probably the weakest. For instance, he has taught his devotees that the ‘Sai’ part of the adopted name means ‘Divine Mother’, which is not true. Shirdi scholars agree that the ‘Sai’ element derives from the Persian (Muslim) word for ‘saint’.

Other claims

In later stories, SSB not only claimed that his birth was an Immaculate Conception but that the alleged triple Avatarhood of Shirdi, Sathya and Prema (following Sathya’s predicted passing in 2022 – according to devotees) were the result of a promised boon to an alleged Brahmin ancestor of (non-Brahmin) Sathya, with the purpose of saving the world.

On the curious subject of these alleged reincarnations of Siva, SSB’s learned Hindu associates and devotees have singularly failed to comment on the anomaly referred to in a general way by Pratima Bowes: “Unlike Krishna, Siva has no connected life-story and he is generally not reckoned to have incarnations despite the attempt by some Saiva Puranas to give him some.” (The Hindu Religious Tradition. A Philosophical Approach, London, Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1977, p. 242) Vishal Mangalwadi, in his criticism of SSB, also points out that in the Hindu tradition, it is Vishnu who has had reincarations, not Siva. (See my Annotated Bibliography, Part 1: V. Mangalwadi, The World of Gurus)

Jesus Christ

As the SSB Mission prospered in the 1969s and more benefactors and worldly-wise collaborators and advisers endorsed SSB, the Sathya Sai Organisation “took off”, nationally and internationally, with the April 1967 First All-India Conference in Madras and the First World Conference in Bombay in May 1968. Within a few years, not only does his public claim to be the reincarnation of Shirdi Sai Baba cease to be made but for almost 20 years there are scarcely any printed public references to Shirdi Sai Baba by Sathya Sai Baba. On the other hand, from about 1970 (after 27 years of his Mission), SSB began to offer Christmas Day Discourses containing many new undocumented and sometimes contradictory revelations about Jesus Christ (in connection with whom SSB claimed both intimate omniscient knowledge and superior avataric rank – see below). For the next 30 years, “Western” devotees, who had begun to flock to the ashram in the 1970s, were impressed by SSB’s apparent ability to reveal ‘unknown’ or ‘different’ knowledge about Jesus (including some popular New Age themes). The slightly self-referential picture presented by SSB over the next two decades shows Jesus as following an exemplary Hindu path of realisation of his essential inner Divinity and as exhibiting the same qualities (particularly Love) and even tribulations as SSB himself (for example, in the Christmas 2000 Discourse in which SSB uttered a long lament about opposition to him and Judas-like betrayal).

On Christmas Eve 1972, SSB offered an astonishingly implausible assertion, which has never been publicly questioned by devotees. On the contrary it was (until relatively recently) prominently cited by the Sathya Sai Organisation in its promotions of SSB’s Divinity as one of the four major statements made by SSB. In Sathya Sai Speaks (Volume XI, Chapter 54), there is a detailed 10-page treatment of the Jesus story (especially useful for the majority of SSB’s listeners who are Hindus). Jesus Christ is acknowledged and claimed as universal by SSB. But SSB uses this Discourse (on 24-12-72, in Bangalore), titled ‘He whom Christ Announced’, not only to comment ambivalently on the miracle of the star of Bethlehem but much more daringly, to make the breathtaking claim that Jesus actually foreshadowed the eventual coming of SSB himself, not as Jesus’s successor, but as God the Father.

The Mahasivaratri lingams

In her memoirs, Karunamba Ramamurthy, an early devotee from the mid 1940s, mentions the thrill of the production by Sathya Sai Baba of a Siva lingam on Mahasivaratri night in 1951. By 1963 it already appears to be an annual spectacle at Prasanthi Nilayam, with each forthcoming miraculous materialisation (pre-announced by a rather showmanlike SSB) creating an air of intense fervour and expectation among Hindu devotees. As SSB explained, this event was unique in the world, since it can only be carried out by Siva.

The Mahasivaratri festival attracted large crowds of Hindus and the fervour and excitement increased on those few occasions when SSB announced that those fortunate persons who had witnessed the sacred event would be granted moksha (liberation from further human birth). Several of these crowded events in the early 1970s have been described by prominent Western SSB chroniclers (e.g. Sandweiss). From 1978 until 1999 no lingams were publicly produced. The unexpected 1999 resumption of the famed annual event coincided with an atmosphere of growing anxiety over pending allegations about SSB. These were finally made public on the Internet in early 2000, in the form of the “Findings”, by David and Faye Bailey.

In subsequent years (until 2006), videos of the highly dramatic event (including some on YouTube) have tended to support the long standing accusation by B. Premanand and other magicians and critics that the lingam production is the result of regurgitation (in the old days) and legerdemain (recently) rather than the claimed Siva powers. On the unfortunate Mahasivatri performances of 2002 and 2004 (in front of the BBC cameras), see Robert Priddy’s illustrated article, Lingam ‘emerges’ at Shivarathri – ‘The Lingodbhava’ (from the Discourse on Mahasivaratri Day, 13 March 2002 – http://home.no.net/anir/Sai/enigma/lingam.htm). See also the specific BBC footage in their 2004 documentary, ‘Secret Swami’.

Those eye-catching instances of SSB’s storytelling claims represent a small fraction of the assertions of divinity and Avatarhood made by the guru during his career. From the beginning of his Mission, SSB assiduously attracted attention to himself and encouraged his devotees to talk about the special features he was promoting: his MIRACLES and his healing ability, his Avatarhood and Divine powers, his relationship with the legendary Hindu Avatars Rama and Krishna and the initial Shirdi Baba reincarnation connection. With such amazing credentials, SSB’s initial Divine reputation was quickly and firmly established decades ago in his native region of southern India. Adoring devotees and, later, faithful spokespersons were only too happy and eager to play their part by passing on this unique message, very often in the form of books (many hundreds of them) about their subjective experiences of SSB’s Mission. From the mid-1960s, SSB’s Organisation, the SSO, took over the main task of propagation of this Divine image of SSB, especially in print. That image has spread widely around the world and has come to be accepted unquestioningly not only by devotees but by many non-devotees who have heard or read about him.

It is true that there are other important aspects of SSB’s Mission (his teachings, his personal charisma, his siddhis, the charitable work carried out by his SSO with voluntary devotee donations). It is equally true that the alleged Divine characteristics (Avatar, Omnipotence, Omniscience, etc.) are what many (probably most) devotees tend to hold uppermost in their minds when talking or writing about their guru.

The impression that Sathya Sai Baba is believed to be an Avathaar (etc.) is widely diffused in works of reference and by many academic researchers. It may also be the general impression held by the majority of India’s 800 million Hindus (who are not devotees of SSB). SSB’s general celebrity as a miracle godman is widespread in India but it is unlikely that non-devotee Hindus have any detailed knowledge of his Discourses or of assertions like the stories in Part 1 and the claims in this part. Even in a country where godmen’s general claims of divine powers and connections are commonplace, SSB’s very extensive and insistent claims over several decades are unique. In spite of their tolerant spiritual traditions, therefore, non-devotee Hindus would probably be astonished, shocked (or even amused) by the extent and frequency of claims such as those listed below, particularly where these involve references to the revered Hindu gods Rama and Krishna, claimed by SSB as his partners and predecessors. (For example, his confident self-referential assertion in 1960 that: “… this Avathaar is different and unique […] I am not inclined to punish; I am the goldsmith who repairs and re-shapes broken ornaments. Raama came as the embodiment of Sathya, Dharma and Shaanthi (truth, virtue and peace); Krishna came as the personification of Prema (Love); now, the Embodiment of all the Four is needed …” (Sathya Sai Speaks, II, 22:113)

Apart from the substantial amount of stories and proselytising information offered publicly by SSB in his Discourses there is a great deal of other relevant information passed on more privately to his associates, the “verandah men”, spokespersons and college boys as well as to apologist writers and individual devotees (often in interviews). This “evidence” is eagerly passed on by the recipients, verbally or in their writing. Indeed, for most of his Mission, SSB has been content to rely on such willing proxies, especially in propagating his Telugu message in English and other languages.

Conclusion

In addition to the types of claims outlined above, SSB has made many other contentious claims, for example about:

his ‘human body’ (its fortitude – including a lack of need of sleep –, his self-guaranteed lifelong health (contradicted by the facts, especially in recent years), his predicted passing at the age of 92 (or 96), and his eventual reincarnation as Prema Sai;

his mental capacity and powers (divine omniscience, including his alleged knowledge of languages) and his other avataric powers (omnipotence, miracles – including resurrections).

There is ample material for further investigation of these unique claims but the Internet is already well stocked with abundant reports and analyses. The cumulative evidence indicates that Sathya Sai Baba is not the Omniscient Divine Being and Avatar whom he, his Organisation, and his followers have believed and claimed him to be for the past 60 years. Although the matter of motivation must necessarily be left open, the simple truth, for those who are willing to read and digest the stories presented in his Discourses (even in their translated and edited state), is that the story of Sathya Sai Baba is that of a charismatic and energetic guru who offers eclectic (Hindu-based) spiritual teachings and promotes universal harmony and charitable works achieved by devotees’ efforts or donations.

Note: The fully documented version of both parts of this research (23 pages) is available elsewhere, as Sathya Sai Baba’s Questionable Stories and Claims”.

Practical ESL-EFL Topics. 1

12 May 2008

For students of English as a Second Language.

(Dutch, German, Scandinavian and Danish students are not likely to need these examples but they may still derive some amusement from the material.)

As you know, English is not an easy Second Language. Some of its more difficult aspects are its figurative uses and its (non-literal) humour, greatly facilitated by its large store of ‘punnable’ homonyms. The challenge of both of the short exercises below is for ESL students to fully understand the meaning and origin of a number of idiosyncratic language samples. Some of you may have to look up one or two words in a (reliable?) dictionary, but that is always an enlightening experience for all of us.

1.

What is wrong (and possibly amusing) with the following examples of mistranslations of tourist notices from European languages into English?

(Merci de votre visite) Tank for your visit.

Your opinion is a great to us.

For any problems, decomposition or disturb, call desk immediately. (Mexican hotel)

Ring the Bell. Is open. (Shop in Granada, Spain)

Fallow the arrow. (Mexico – mainly for Americans?)

It is prohibited to bring the alcoholics beverages. (Mexican beach)

You have to do it walking. It is necessary to follow the signs road. (Spain)

Listen to the singing of the famous Escolanía, a children’s choir, considered to be the eldest in Europe.

Laundry returned in the 24 hours will be extracharged.

We are not responsibles of discolouring or shinkage.

Food:

Lobster per kg (to ask before please).

Eggs caramel cream (maked the house)

Srambelt eggs (?Peru)

Fried pork’s legs

Spanish brochures some years ago:

… church of the Holy Family (master piece of the brilliant archited Gaudí)

Passed Nerja and near Maro, these formations run into the sea very roughly, in high steepy rocks.

In the ten years that these famous performances have been passing, the fame of the Cave has run alongside with that of the artists.

Freeway/Motorway travel in Spain:

Do never change the sense of your driving.

Please do not screw or tear up your transit ticket.

Tarragona: Stretching out on a hill and leaning over the sea, the above Mediterranean town is standing up.

Cambrils: It is a picturesque town of a strong fishing flavour.

Oropesa: All this shall help us get into the sober and rustic beauty of such internal villages as Morella, …

Valencia: The fruit-tree orchards which are so affectionately and meticulously cared of, actually compete with the authentic flower gardens which are so prodigue …

Alicante: A coastal stretchline …

2.

Separate the notices, signs, advertisements (ads) and slogans below into two groups: a) clever or b) clumsy.

An optional extra is for you to account for the deliberate cleverness or the inadvertent clumsiness which has produced these statements. A suggestion: look especially for puns, double entendres, homonyms, paradoxes and ambiguity, as well as errors in English vocabulary choice, expression, spelling, pronunciation, or even punctuation. The simplest element can often make a big semantic difference.

(The first group of examples below are selected from one long page of a huge collection of excellent English material available at: www.goodquotes.com/mistranslation.htm)

At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.

At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.

On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.

At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.

At a U.S. tire (UK: tyre) shop: Invite us to your next blowout.
At an optometrist’s office:

If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.
Billboard on the side of the road:

Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.

Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
In a counselor’s [UK: counsellor’s] office:

Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a Los Angeles clothing store:

Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a New York restaurant:

Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:

Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a restaurant window:

Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In an office:

After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
In an office:

Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:

Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
Notice in a field:

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:

Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. – (Sisters of Mercy)
In a Maine shop:

Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On a repair shop door:

We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)
On a Tennessee highway:

Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

Sign on a psychic’s Hotline: Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Others from UK and Australia:

Caption to a picture of a smiling fishmonger: If you ask him nicely he’ll cut your head off.

A brand of lemonade: Every bubble’s passed its fizzical.

Car sticker: Jesus Saves. He couldn’t manage it on my salary.

Pub notice:

Our bank has promised not to serve BEER if we don’t cash cheques.

Bank: Losing interest in your current account?

Transport ad with exotic photograph: You can see the Rhine Valley [or Paris] from Victoria Station (London).

You can have anything you like with just a little application. [Lloyds Bank, Access Card]

Duty-Free shop: It’s enough to make you leave the country.

Automatic Teller Machine – ATM: Pop into the Bank when it’s shut.

Caption on a gory but effective road safety sign for cyclists: Dont hit the road without a bike helmet.

*

Sathya Sai Baba: Questionable Stories and Claims. Part 1

11 May 2008

John Hislop: “Is it wrong to criticise a person?”

Sai: “It is not wrong to criticise a person if the evaluation has been arrived at slowly and carefully.” (John Hislop. Conversations with Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, Section XLIV, p.145)

What do you really know, if anything, about Sathya Sai Baba? Where did you discover this information? Was it via the thousands of repetitive written and word of mouth descriptions by his devotees and others? If so, you may have missed something basic. If that arouses your curiosity, as it should in view of the snowballing controversies associated with SSB, try the following simple experiment: put to one side for today the teachings, the intense charisma exerted and widely reported for the past 60 years. Put aside the spectacular allegations of sexual misconduct which attract so much media attention and fevered debates. And also put aside the hundreds of devotee books and articles extolling and endorsing SSB’s divinity and special psychic and paranormal powers. Ignoring all this familiar belief-centred information, concentrate, for a change, on valuable insights into SSB’s self presentation to his devotees and the world, mainly in the 35 volumes of his translated and edited Telugu Discourses (Sathya Sai Speaks), published and widely marketed amongst devotees by the Sathya Sai Organisation over the past 50 years. You may be surprised – as I was when I belatedly switched my attention to this new focus nine years ago.

SSB’s frequent Discourses have been one essential means of promoting himself and his Mission. The teaching content of the Discourses is widely read (in many languages) and discussed, and widely reproduced and propagated in devotee writing. Until recently, due to a widespread firm belief in SSB’s Divine nature and infallibility, and a major interest in his spiritual teachings, little serious critical attention had been paid to other anecdotal evidence in the Discourses. A closer look at the first 35 volumes of SSB’s Discourses, unblinkered by religious faith, reveals an important series of basic factual discrepancies and errors which cast serious doubt on SSB’s general credibility, particularly with reference to his claims of Divinity and its trappings.

Basic References:

Sathya Sai Baba as Storyteller

Sathya Sai Baba’s Divine Claims

Flaws in SSB’s general storytelling

The major types of Sathya Sai Baba stories are about:

* Hindu deities, beliefs and scriptures

* SSB’s own biography and spiritual development

* his allegedly Divine Mission and avataric powers

* Jesus Christ

* his views and comments on the contemporary world (especially on scientific matters)

* his idiosyncratic word etymologies

* inappropriate references and ‘name-dropping’

It is a lamentable indication of the lack of independent research on SSB carried out in India that, apart from six errors mentioned by SSB apologist Ra. Ganapati, no attention has yet been paid to SSB’s Hindu stories. Eventually, when Indian scholars and journalists realise the need for such research, interesting results may appear.

As a tiny contribution to this missing research, I can only offer the following quotation by SSB: “Shankaracharaya, in the fifth century A.D., went on foot from Kaanchi to Kaashi, Badhri, Kashmir, Kedhaarnath, Kailash or Puri, Shringeri and Kaaladi! And he only lived until the age of thirty-two!” (Sathya Sai Speaks, XI, 8:55) According to three reference books consulted, there is an error of three centuries here, since Shankara, or Shankaracharya, lived in the eighth century A.D. and established monasteries at the four cardinal points of India.

Childhood stories

There is a long series of varied stories about SSB’s schooldays, involving two of his classmates, an examination in which he claims to have cheated on their behalf, and other elements and permutations. Although SSB proudly proclaims his dishonest support of his friends by using his alleged powers to write their answer papers in their own handwriting, he takes pains to disguise the cheating by claiming that “none could accuse us of copying”, on the basis that their three examination seat numbers (which amusingly vary from version to version of the story) were far apart. The full series of anecdotes, with its bewildering permutations of details, is too long for this article but can be perused here:

Sathya Sai Baba as Storyteller

However, of all the SSB self-promotional childhood stories, the following is probably the most detrimental to SSB’s credibility:

Since mid-1999, some of the popular public Sunday satsangs for College boys by SSB’s current interpreter and popular spokesperson, Professor Anil Kumar, have been made available to a world audience of devotees (in English and several other languages) on his web pages.

In his posting for 10 March 2002, Kumar narrates an extraordinary SSB story, allegedly told recently to some students and teachers, in Kumar’s presence.

“And then Swami went on to say a few things about His own experience. “You know, I got a license. I could drive My car. You know at what age I got the license? At the age of nine!”

Kumar goes on to quote SSB as saying that he got the (premature) licence from two transport Officers, Seshagiri Rao and Hanumantha Rao, who granted it to him at the tender age of nine – in Kumar’s lively rendering, SSB sounds quite pleased with himself about details like this – after a perfunctory examination consisting of merely satisfying themselves that Sathya Narayana was able to steer the car between two lines marked on the ground. This astonishing revelation is followed by more boastful details about young Sathya’s exploits with the car. The new ‘driver’ decided to drive the two Transport Officers to Madras. Although terrified of his driving, they bowed to his will and 9 year-old Primary School speed ace Sathya Narayana allegedly made the 8 hour trip in a record four and a half hours! Kumar adds that SSB finished the story with the following miraculous flourish: he had driven that car for 15 years but since it was wartime and petrol was rationed, he economised by using water from the well instead.

Religion

During the following 1978 discussion between prominent US SSO official John Hislop and SSB, a surprising fact was brought up: SSB was unaware that Jews and Christians do not belong to the same religion. In view of the number of prominent Jewish devotees drawn to SSB from the late 1960s on, and their closeness to SSB, it is both amazing and revealing that none of them had brought up this fundamental question about their faith before.

In the reported group dialogue, SSB asked, “Does the Cross fail to symbolize the Jewish faith to a substantial degree?”

MG: “Yes, Swami. There is a substantial difference.” [MG = Michael Goldstein?]

In spite of this clarification, eighteen years later, the Christmas 1996 Discourse contained several breathtakingly incorrect “stories” about Judaism and Christianity. The official version in Sathya Sai Speaks (Volume XXIX, page 393) coyly glosses them over: “[Bhagavan gave a brief account of the Jewish concept of the creation of the cosmos and referred to the birth of Jesus as the son of Mary and Joseph.]” Readers of the SSO version (which, remember, is the ONLY official printed version of SSB’s Discourses – in several languages) will never know that SSB made many major errors like those which follow, but James Redmond’s commercial video captured them in Telugu and in the simultaneous English translation. (See my Bibliography) Here are two revealing paragraphs:

a) “Three hundred and fifty years B.C., before Christ, Jews lived. However, among Jews, there were religions such as Islam and Christianity. People of that land, they are all Jews. That land is the birthplace of both the religions, Islam and Christianity. The Hebrew language was very prominent. This Hebrew language is more or less equal to our Sanskrit. …”

b) “The name and the fame of Jesus Christ have spread far and wide. Here, at this moment, there are two schools of thought. The first group of thought – Roman Catholics. There is another group that fought with this group. This group is called Protestants. As they protested, they are Protestants. So among Jews there are these two groups: Catholics and Protestants.”

One of my subsequent discoveries was an equally astonishing assertion involving Alexander the Great and the Qur’an. In 1992, a colossal historical error of SSB’s had been pointed out by Dale Beyerstein in his e-book. In spite of its enormity, and because of the unconditional faith of devotees, most (including myself at the time) took NO notice!

In his Discourse for 21 August 1986 (Sathya Sai Speaks, XIX , pp. 137-8), SSB tells this story:

“A king from Greece [later identified as Alexander the Great] came to India to study the conditions here …” (p. 137) “He made a study of the Bible, the Quran and Buddhist texts and found that all of this laid emphasis on Truth, … In the Quran he found that only by adherence to the Truth can one be a real man.” (p. 138-9)

But at least one part of this story is utter nonsense. Alexander the Great could not have made a study of the Qur’an because he predated Muhammad by nearly a THOUSAND years! (Alexander the Great – 4th Century B.C.E. Muhammad and the Qur’an – 6th to 7th Century C.E.)

Comment

For any public speaker’s credibility, the above collection of confusion, discrepancies and errors would be damaging; for an allegedly omniscient God on Earth, such a variety of stattements should have been a public relations disaster. However, most devotees are so absorbed by SSB’s charisma and their faith in his healing powers and his teachings that they do not even notice anything is amiss – and simply refuse requests to look at the overwhelming evidence, which must be wrong because SSB is Omniscient and therefore cannot make errors (except as deliberate leelas to test devotees’ faith). Other more open-minded people, after reading the above body of basic evidence of SSB’s talent and compulsion for storytelling may feel more inclined to examine the claims of Avatarhood and Divine Omniscience made by SSB and his devotees. Prima facie, there are no limits to SSB’s imagination and his impulsiveness, nor to his capacity for getting things muddled or wrong. That this strong propensity has not been curbed in 60 years indicates that he is either blissfully unaware of it or is supremely confident in his own charismatic powers over devotees.

In Part 2 SSB’s Divine claims will be reviewed in the light of a hypothesis drawn from this basic evidence, which, like the explicit claims themselves, is feeely available in the official Sathya Sai Speaks volumes.

(To be concluded in Part 2)